


Please, call my name...

by Veelitann



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cute!Marco, Death of Characters, M/M, Not so fun, RealityVSSnKuniverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 04:38:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4421642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veelitann/pseuds/Veelitann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Marco's death, Jean has devoted his years of living in Titan extermination, waiting impatiently for the day he would finally die and join his friend. But when the day comes, it's not really the After death he expected...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please, call my name...

**Author's Note:**

> Heya all!  
> Oh god, I shouldn't be posting this already, I shouldn't even be writting this at all! I still have so much to write with Kinky Pants and The Bird and the Worm! (and others...) But with this plot in my ming for so long, I just couldn't help and had to write it when it was still hot...
> 
> Of course, I won't be uploading my works so often, as it depends on my freetime and I've lost a lot of it in this last year...But still, I hope you will like it, at least a little! 
> 
> Please enjoy, and tell me what you think !

When I was young, I thought –I hoped that I would live a long and peaceful life. I’ve always acted like some stupid and selfish child, never wondering about how reality should really be. I’ve ever made fun of my (stupid) comrade when he warned us about all this, about Titans, about their existence. 

I thought about it as if it was just a bad, a very bad and fucking realistic nightmare of his, one of those nightmares that can make you wake up crying, covered with your own sweat when it wasn’t your mates’ nightmares that awoke you abruptly. Their crying in their sleep was still resounding in the morning, most of us starting the day with some awful and painful headache due to all this. Sometimes it was also due to the fact that we couldn’t sleep because of the noise of our comrades, because of the fear of the day after, because of the training. Because we missed our families and were feeling so lonely that we didn’t know how to be ourselves anymore. 

I don’t remember why I chose to enlist. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t by myself, maybe some bet and I was so proud that I couldn’t step back and take a safer way for a living. I chose the military police, of course. The most quiet way to go. 

I was wrong. 

_What happened? Where did I fail?_

I was so wrong about so many things, and I wasn’t able to see all of them until it was too late. I didn’t understand that Jeagger’s threats about Titans weren’t a fucking joke. I didn’t take anything seriously. I just thought that after graduating from our training, I would just go and live peacefully in the walls. Most of all, I would be with that guy, my best friend. It would be pretty cool for a living, maybe sharing a place together. 

But still, I wasn’t aware of anything. 

That day, everything disappeared. All those hopes. All those lies I was digging my heart with. Everything. 

Marco Bodt died and I was left alone again. 

Marco Bodt _died_. 

Alone. He was even more alone than me, because I was still alive. I found his body in a small street, crashed against an old wall. 

His right arm was missing. 

His right half face was missing. 

Titans ripped his smile off his face, that smile he dedicated to me so many times while cheering me up. 

They took away that arm he used to slide around my waist when he was sad during nights or when I was trying not to cry just because I was feeling like a trash. 

_Oh, please, give him back to me._

Marco was the only thing that made me be myself a little longer, even if I wasn’t highly recommended as a friend. 

I was a jerk. I was selfish, and even jealous, lost in a world where jealous kids shouldn’t exist. But Marco never complained about it, even giving me great advices to help me in any case. He was always there, with me. Always. 

I have to admit something, even now. 

After those three years of training, staying side by side with Marco Bodt, I had slowly fallen for the boy. It would have been difficult not to, actually. 

I liked his strength, which had made him be our squad leader when the Colossal Titan broke the wall. 

I liked the way he smiled to me, with that special glance he dedicated to me, when explaining how to do things properly. 

I wanted things to go on forever, be by his side, watch him have a wonderful life and help him when I can. 

But you know what? 

_I hit his neck, what the fuck happened?_

None of this would ever happen. 

After Marco’s death, I choose to enlist in the survey corp. I didn’t care about military police anymore. I didn’t care about living or dying as long as I had something to do. I couldn’t stand living day by day now being myself and waiting for a quiet death in a quiet city inside the Walls. 

When I think about it, I feel Iike I’ve become a suicidal dumb. 

Years after years, we didn’t stop fighting. The survey corp changed a lot. People died, a lot of them. New people came in; one by one, and they died again. 

I couldn’t stand it, and fought even more to forget about all this, Marco’s little bones always stuck in my jacket pocket. The one with our emblem. Against my heart. 

I couldn’t forget. 

Years after years, I’ve changed, of course. But it wasn’t for the best. I became a captain, leading my own small squad. The hatred of Titans was getting over me, more and more. Killing them was the most important to me. Fear was the only thing I was trying to stay away from. 

Fear of still being alive after the mission. Fear of being alone again. 

Throwing myself in the battle like that was more like Jeagger. Not me. But since his death, there was no one anymore acting that stupidly. 

_I ran and flight so fast._

I didn’t know that his passing would affect me that much. But after all, Jeagger was one of those few people who were able to change things, no matter how stupid they were. 

Oh. _Giant teeth around my body_. 

I could talk again and again about all that. About my life, about how bad I miss Marco and his soft voice, how bad I wanted his hands to play with my hair again to calm me after that terrible nightmare when we were about thirteen and had just lost a friend during the training. That’s awful to think like that. 

Oh? _I can’t breath_.

I…Should have thought twice before I do anything. Or, maybe I really wanted to die in the end? I mean, did I want to die the way as him? Eaten by a monster, a huge and stupid Titan, with no one able to help me?

_It hurts so much._

No. 

It was different. 

Marco was alone when he died. 

I wasn’t alone here. Everyone around us was looking at me. Everyone was yelling at the Titan, yelling at me, stuck between its teeth. 

_Oh, leave me alone, after all…_

People say that when you die, you can see you whole life again for a second. I didn’t believe it at all, until…

Until…? 

Until _now_?

I gasped. I gasped for some air, not even understanding what was happening. There was no air coming. I’m dying. I’m dying, Marco, stuck between a Titan teeth that didn’t die under my mad blades. Under my hand, I’m still able to feel the wet sensation of a disgusting tongue covered with saliva. 

I’m not even sure if I’m scared or something. I don’t remember screaming or anything when that thing got me. 

Or maybe I’ve let it get me easily this time. 

I cann’t move. I'm not sure about how my body might look like now. The large jaw must still be chewing at my legs, I guess, I can hear the awful sound of the blood dripping from my own limbs. I can still hear the sound of metal blades cutting the soft flesh of necks. 

“ _CAPTAIN KIRSCHTEIN_!” 

And their yells as well. Oh, shut up, guys. You don’t need me. You don’t need any leader. You just need to survive and live and you’re all pretty good at it. That’s all. Let me die. Finally. 

Understand? 

Let me go. 

I’m gonna see Marco. 

_It hurts._

I want to puke my guts out –but I’m pretty sure that I don’t have anymore, thanks to that fucking Titan and that powerful jaw. 

My legs scratch so much. I need to rub my nails hard against this spot. But I can’t move. _I’m dead, ok? Stop scratching like that, body, thanks._

I want to puke, still so badly, and I’m not sure how to take it. Is the after death like this, with that feeling of being sick all the time? 

Hey, Marco, are you feeling the same, after all these years? Still, How long are you gone for, by the way…? Ten years? More? Less? I’ve stopped counting the time passing by, glued in my own darkness, lost in my own sorrow, feeling alone among all the recruits I had to care about. 

Hey, _Marco_ , was I just so wrong? 

Hey, _Marco_ , were are you? 

I’m coming to you, _Marco_ , do you know? 

Hey, I need you, _Marco_. 

 

_Please, call my name, Marco._

**Author's Note:**

> For some explanations : This first chapter is like an introduction (ok, not 'like', it is actually? Oh I guess...) and I needed it to set up Jean's way of thinking. Something's coming, guys !


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